Adoptee Resources - Identity














































Identity

Identity is something almost every adoptee struggles with. Adoptees are taken away from their birth mothers, away from the skin to skin connection that is scientifically proven to be helpful in the beginning of life. This is where the trauma of adoption starts, impacting the adoptee’s identity each and every day. Sometimes the adoption is a transracial adoption, which leads to a loss of cultural identity.

Taylor Bye, a Korean American adoptee, comments on her cultural identity through a Korean art exhibit at the Minneapolis Institute of Art. She comments on how she felt highly encouraged to fully embrace her adopted family’s heritage, not focusing on her Korean background. But as Taylor looked through this art exhibit, she comments: “although I couldn’t find my own individual memory in them, I found connection to the desire and need to honor the past while understanding the present reality, to push for a renewed and hopeful future” (Bye, 2024)


Common Misconceptions

"Love is enough."
Love is powerful, but it cannot erase early trauma, identity loss, or questions about heritage.
"If an adoptee has a good childhood, they shouldn't struggle."
Adoption begins with separation. Even in loving families, grief and confusion can exist at the same time.
"Babies don't remember."
Research shows that infants experience and store early separation and stress biologically and emotionally.
"Adoption is a gift; you should be very grateful."
Even as adoption is a good thing as it helps protect children from even worse situations, it is a traumatic experience that has both its positives and negatives.


How to Support

The best thing non-adoptees can do to support adoptees is to listen and validate their experiences. Understanding the complexities of identity for adoptees is crucial in providing meaningful support. Be a safe space for adoptees to vent and share their emotions, letting them choose what they want to explore about their identity and heritage.

Identity is not something adoptees “figure out” once; it shifts over time. Whatever an adoptee feels about their story is valid. Healing and self-understanding take time, gentleness, and space. No adoptee should have to walk that journey alone.

“As a life-altering event, adoption/permanency affects an individual’s identity. The pursuit for self-identity is at the heart of the human journey. All individuals are on a quest to understand who they are, where they fit and share their stories with others to better understand themselves. Stories that are broken due to historical or personal events can make it difficult for people to understand and express who they are and solidify their life’s narrative.”
Families Rising

Sources