Adoptee Resources - More Information

One of the things many adoptees look for in their friends and family is just a chance to share all the emotions they may feel, even the ones that feel wrong to admit.

Hearing adoption stories from other adoptees has continually been a source of comfort for many adoptees. The only people who can genuinely understand the combination of emotions and the trauma of adoption are adoptees.

Importance of Language

The words we use around adoption shape how adoptees feel about their experiences and stories. Being mindful of the language around adoption can reduce shame and create a safe space for honesty.

Avoid using: “You should be grateful.”

Use: “Adoption is complicated. You can feel it all, and your emotions are valid.”

Avoid using: “Your real parents…”

Use: “Your birth parents” or “your adoptive parents,” depending on whom you are referring to.

Avoid minimizing adoptee grief with: “But your life turned out great!”

Use: “I know you can love your adoptive family and still grieve what you’ve lost.”

Small shifts can create a more validating and supportive environment for adoptees.

Ideas on how to Support

• Listen without trying to fix or defend adoption.
• Validate the adoptee’s feelings, even when they’re hard to hear.
• Avoid making assumptions; understand each adoptee’s story is unique.
• Give adoptees control over what parts of their history they want to explore.
• Encourage therapy and professional support.
• Educate yourself about the complexities of adoption so the adoptee doesn’t have to teach you everything.